It's Just the Stuff of Life

Sometimes, I have a hard time writing not for lack of a topic, but because I am inundated with ideas. Here are the past few weeks in review.


1. I had the misfortune of sitting next to Boy Wonder during recent travels. In his early twenties, Boy Wonder had succeeded greatly with business even during the end of his college years and was now engaged in fantastic dealings requiring multistate travel and heavy use of an iPhone. I had to listen to this kid all the way through the gate to our seats while he loudly engaged in “closing deals” and “running numbers” on said phone. When the flight attendant asked everyone to put phones away, Boy Wonder insisted on using his—texting and emailing last minute messages all while hiding the phone from attendants when they passed our seat. I thought I was in grade school with a cheater next to me again as he would slip the phone under his leg and feign sleep for ten seconds a pop. (And yes, he finally put it away.) I was trying to hide (note to self: hand over eyes technique does not work), but did not need to do this for long. When he tired of talking about himself, he went to sleep.

2. On a date with my husband this past weekend, we went dancing. Every specimen of human life was there complete with a man who stood in front of a fan that blew his overbearing body odor our way. I kept looking at my beloved, who was desperately trying to squelch laughter, and said, “Don’t talk, baby. Just don’t say a word.” We did in fact, have the most wonderful evening, and followed it with a cup of coffee at a local café. Unbeknownst to us, the café was hosting a monthly gay and lesbian open house. There were men in line beside the women’s restroom door when I turned to my husband and said, “I’m having a man with a fan moment.” I did happen to meet a very charismatic gay man who loved my hair and told me he was an expert in beautiful women. It was a conversation that I wish I had recorded, but enough about that.

3. Our even handed tone and patient conversation with the children pays us back ten-fold in jewel-like moments. My little son, not quite four, dropped his shark picture in the car yesterday. I have a rule about safety: If I am driving, and you drop it, it stays on the floor. I explained this to my little Tiny when I heard a cry of disappointment rise from the back seat. “No,” he said, “this is unacceptable.”

4. To quote Elizabeth Gilbert’s Committed, “No one sings till the fat lady sings,” and “Don’t count your chicken eggs when they are still up the chicken’s butt.” My better half and I have another one to add to that, “When a door opens, an angel closes a window.” Maybe you’d have to have been there for that one…